I saw your photo on Instagram today after finding out MCR is breaking up, and it made me sad. Sad for you because your favorite band ending is never fun, but also sad because I recognized someone in that photo.
I’ve looked that way too – and on more than one occasion. In December 2008 my favorite band, Phantom Planet, broke up. (Well, technically they announced they were going on “hiatus,” but that’s as good as saying “we’re breaking up” without actually having to admit it…) I felt like the world was ending. I stared at my computer screen in shock when I first read their announcement. I thought it was a joke. Then I cried. A lot. I screamed about how unfair it was. I called a friend who was also a big fan, and we cried and screamed together on the phone. After spending years with this band’s music soundtracking my life, it was hard to imagine a life without them.
Your favorite band breaking up is the worst thing in the world – this thing you’ve lived for and that defines you is now suddenly gone, over, done. And it’s really hard to explain that to people who don’t get it and say, “It’s just a band, you’ll get over it.”
Because I hate to tell you, but when a band is that important to you…you don’t ever really get over it. How can you? When the music is a part of you, there’s no way to leave that behind. It’s in your DNA, your soul. But I’ve been through this enough times that I can tell you what you can do to get yourself through it:
- You listen to the HECK out of every album you own by the band. Listen to them day and night, over and over, 24/7 until you’re so sick of it that if you hear one more song, you’ll scream. Burn yourself out on them. By the time you’ve hit repeat for the 103rd time, you’ll be so over their music you won’t even care they’re not a band anymore. (Okay, you will. But this makes it hurt a little less.)
- Don’t listen to them at all. Boycott. Don’t get rid of all the CDs and T-shirts and posters you own – but pack it all away so you don’t have to see it and be reminded that your favorite band is no more. And then six months from now, pull it all out and give the music a listen. After that long, you’ll have dealt with feeling upset and angry that they’re breaking up, and listening to the band will be like revisiting an old friend. Instead of resenting them, you’ll be glad for the music you do have – glad it was a part of your life. And it’ll seem a little bit more special.
Here’s the other secret you probably won’t believe me on just yet, but trust me on this: you’ll find another favorite band. This is one of my favorite parts of being a music fan – when one band calls it quits, there’s always another band to discover and fall in love with – maybe you even already have another favorite band you’ve moved into the #1 spot in your heart. (If so, yay!) Just know that another band will find a way to inspire you with their lyrics, describe you perfectly with a song or suck you in with a catchy melody that makes you play their song on repeat until everyone in your house is sick of it. Give it a little time, and they’ll find you.
I hope that helps, and I am sorry for your musical loss. We’ve all been there and understand. And hey – if you need help finding a new favorite band…I know a girl who might be of some help. ;)